Friday, July 03, 2009

One of those idle moments

---when you know that you are insane.

Disclaimer: All these things are based on a true life story. Or else, I made them up in this apparently true life of mine just for the heck of writing this disclaimer.

It was one of those times when I missed being in India. I was all alone amongst a group of quiet, cultured, polite, but German passengers. Nothing for stereotyping ethnicities, but most of them belong to not just a different wave length but to a different planet in a different solar system. Outside my office, till date, I could not make meaningful English conversation with them any better than I could have played carroms with a cat. The sum total of the response I could get from them is “Huh!”

So, I was trying to relax in these retractable chairs, that never tract enough to start with. My novel seemed to be in the deepest strata of my backpack, and realizing my secrets would not gel into the ambience, I refrained myself from digging into it. I was moving ahead in life at 220 kmph, falling into a trance where all those little earthy, lotta fun, sophomoric musings pretended to give me a better perspective over all facets of life including the historical, the sociological, the zoological, the psychosexual and the facet that explains why Jadeja came before Yuvraj.

I tried reading my English news paper, carefully staring at the political intricacies of the Indira regime, and making a mental note of the interesting observations (Yawn!! was my exact mental phrasing). I tried spacing my legs in the leg space and struggled to doze off unto my dreamland, in the quest of answers to why proteins irk Brahmins?And why law needs to be taught in IITs?

Just as my insomniac brain was shifting from humming impatiently to brain teaser activities like trying to convert the complete works of Albert Einstein into caribbean rap, I acted. I acted in a manner, where my finger dug itself onto my scalp and started dancing to the whims of the strongest force in the world . Having had to face the harsh realization that I was yet to bathe that month,(let's say I am kidding for all practical purposes), I decided to start being more purposeful. Then! I heard a voice from above.

No, I am not kidding. It was melodious gibberish, being delivered from an altitude in a deliberate attempt to tip me off about the future. Then, feeling blessed, I opened my eyes to follow the voice, only to find an announcement speaker, emitting amplified garbage that translated to “ Next station: M√ľnchen Hauptbahnof”. I reiterated my idea to be purposeful.

I started towards the door. In a citi-moment-of-surprise, people started following me. As I reached the final passage, I stopped ,and turned backwards. My belly flipped at the sight of all the confusion, the angst and the uncertainty they harbored about their troubled future. I smiled reassuringly at the Spanish girl behind me and nodded, as I chose the path to the right door.

For a few moments, the crowd was stunned. They were gaping at the courageous man who was going to make a difference in their future. A guy at the end could no longer remain silent. He was deeply moved. He came forward to voice it. “Boo!”, he said.(literally, whatever he said in german).

They followed me, all of them, 12 cosmopolitan citizens, looking at the poor door on the left, thinking “O poor thing! It never stood a chance!”, in their own languages. But the 13th guy was German, so he looked at the left door with a deeply troubled conscience, turned towards me and asked “Boo?” I smiled. I gave him one of those Rajni-special sinister smiles that say “I dare you to take the other path”. He raised his hands, shrugged a bit and surrendered as he joined my path, not forgetting to voice his “Boo!” again.

I stood there, taking deep breaths, feeling empowered.

Voice-in-my head: You rock! You are a keen observer of the daily human experience.

Sanity: Duh!!

Voice-in-my head: You are a chronicler of mankind’s seemingly endless trek through time.

Sanity: Aaarggh!!

German: Boo!!

Voice-in-my head: You know something that your delta-neighborhood does not! Look at yourself through their eyes! Are you not their shining beacon of hope?

Sanity: Come out of the trance, you stupid!!!

I felt superior to all those sages in Himalayas, who conveniently suppress the fact that they never tasted the biryani in Bawarchi, as they pitifully make the ridiculous claim of knowing the meaning of life. I had all reasons to. I tasted their biryani , AND, could guess which side the platform was going to turn up.

Then the station arrived.( OK! You smarty! The train arrived at the station) I felt divine. I felt complete. I felt like the harbinger of human hope. I felt like Sachin Tendulkar.



Swetha said...

woow :clap typical rajnikanth ishtyle sry agu ishytle :P

Chokshimaan...... said...

I guess the only person in the world who can experience all the bliss of heaven just by successfully guessing the right side on which platform is going to arrive in a zooming train in a faraway foreign land is u. My friend guess what u have achieved nirvana.......So now it's time to come back to India and Patel to spread ur gospel o enlightend one............

mannings said...

on a more serious note this piece of literature is very serious.
Its a Gem of a Gem.For people with funny tendons and Muscles..its really a class apart from the other musings of Chota Rajni..All his other writings delve into very deep and horrifying emotions like love,friendship(bandalu anubandalu)..This one stands apart for its sheer lack of creativity.Author needs to start writing more and at a frequence which exceeds his sexual Mood Swings to impress the unimpressed audience and win the hearts of heartless people.

[NpoWEr] said...

No, first reaction. LOL. And "Cool". Years of travelling in trains in India pay off. :P

But sli exaggerated, obviously. It was supposed to be, I guess.

" realizing my secrets would not gel into the ambiance. " and "delta-neighborhood" were /awesome/

And eeks, Manmo's comment spoilt the post. WTF. I read "bandalu anubandalu" with the hard 'd' instead of the soft 'd'. Manmo, you could've said "bandhalu anubandhalu". And "sexual Mood Swings" with a capital M and a capital S? Atleast a capital S on "sexual" would've made sense, considering this is Aggu ;) Same goes for "tendons and Muscles".

Kishan said...

You write very well.... I just hope you realise how Disappointed I was when I spoke to you about a certain thing related to "not doing justice to your skills" at the end of my third year :)... Good going, looking forward to more posts...

Anonymous said...

Good one aggu.... as manmo said yah its a true gem of a gem...
@ manmo: bandalu, anubandalu.. even i made the same mistake NP did. lol

Pope said...

"It was one of those times when I missed being in India." ...Thanks for steering away from the I miss my momma kinda post. Why your mind would veer off towards thoughts like these on the way to Munich still beats me, but well written. Delta-neighbourhood sure brought back some memories of the Old Man.

@NpoWEr - when did you ever not LOL ? :P

mannings said...

@Npower:are you looking for segmentation errors?capitals etc

Kharageous said...

I guess the sages of Himalayas remain two steps away from Nirvana 1)Tasting Biryani of Bawarchi
2)Listening to the carribean rap of einstein's theory.

You are just one step away
Stop thinking why Jadeja came before Yuvraj.

After the announcement of the station there is an announcement that which side of the station will the platform come but these worldly things doesn't bother the practical indian man.

I am missing India in similar manners, just put Japanese in place of Germans.

Very well written..

Anup Bishnoi said...

ultra sexy bhaaai
majja aa gayi :D

u're getting funny! 'why jadeja came before youvraj' was awesome :D

aur pata hai india mein homosexuality legal ho gayi


Dilemma Personified said...

all hail to the saninty of the insane .... all hail the lofty feeling of doing smthing which the germans couldnt guess beforehand ... all hail the idea of exaggerating tiny incidents to the verge of making them funny ... all hail the aggu :P

Ami aggu. said...

@ Pinnu: :thanx

@ Chokshirajan: I am coming baby!

@ Mannings: you need a seperate comment!

@ Npower: It was aimed to be way exaggerated. Glad I could it pull it off at least till sli-exaggerated.

Ami aggu. said...

@ Kishan: Of course I did realize Kishan. I will make it up as I go forward. :D

@ Vadde: Thnx amma!

@ Pop Shock: Now, that was a really different way to look at the post. \m/ Old man \m/ Munich \m/

@ Kharate kid: That would be retro-active if I had to leave cricket for nirvana. I wouldn't want the latter at the former's cost any day.

And as my disclaimer says, this is fiction :D

@ Guchu: All hail the ever smiling chap with a never stooping tempo. All hail the face of the only hall in Kgp. All hail the baap of the baaps.

Ami aggu. said...

@ Anup 029:

All yours sir! All yours!! Speaking of people rubbing off on juniors and all. Haha. Secures a greater significance as it hasn't been even 5 hours since I was engaged in a debate with some IIT-M chaps, trying to show how OP can, and so productively help. :D

@ Mannings: \m/ Bandhalu Anubandhalu \m/ SM Swings \m/

Mikesh said...

Voice-in-my head: nOIce !!
quite a treat bro .. translate this to German and publish it ;)

Parth Reddy said...

Nice tea read keep it up and don't throw instances from IPL :P

aditya pappula said...

the aggu dude is back with a bang!!!... explaining a typical ft in a typical aggu style...
"You rock! You are a keen observer of the daily human experience" and "Come out of the trance, you stupid!!!" ...hahah...awesome

Anonymous said...

Funny and unpredictable.. you have a gud future as a writer :)

Vijetha Nuthakki said...

Beautifully written,and insightful lookback into "one of those days I miss being in India."A very modest level of exaggeration, given ur talent at it.Missing ur animated expressions...

bharat (mandrake !!) said...

well well well !! balls of thought bouncing wildly in my little nonplussed mind swaying it out of control .. angered by the very fact that they have missed the whack of this subtle genre .. folks I am a late admission to his highness AGAMEMNON's surreal world... and i regret it !
At a single glance I admit i felt no profound ecstacy as inside the st.basilica. but as I sifted through them i could ascertain the dim delicacy .. just like jack fought his way to win the box of cashews on top of the tall cupboard !! and i tell u this is a piece of art .. an art of magnifying even the minutestestest details of this rat race clockwork life into "wow-i never-that !!" kinda thoughts.. what specifically amused my rather nondescript mind are the nuances.. elements hidden deep which quite exaggerate the day-to-day happenings into such heights so articulately .. the retractable chair..the jadeja-yuvraj comic.. the nirvana !!
and ofcourse not to mention our lizard king's sentimental series bandHHalu anubandHHalu ! its like watching a bollywood flick of the 90's again .. one single compliment i would like to mention .. aggu .. rename ur blog as the "aggular vein " coz it very much reminds me of the unmatched Jug Suraiya and his blogs ..

simpley awesome.

bharat (mandrake !!) said...

@ vj - the word is "amplification" :P
not animation !!

Ami aggu. said...

@ Mickeysh: nOice idea... :D

@ Parth: Again, part of being your favorite junior sir. :P .. btw, it is not IPL :P

@ Padi: :bow :honored

Ami aggu. said...

@ Mandrake: Aggular vein eh! :D that wud be too much be. \m/ Jug Suraiya \m/ I will churn another bollywood flick for you. Stay glued. :D

@ VJ: Last things first, honored to have you on my blog, mademoiselle! First things next, I am missing my animated expressions too, given my talent at it :D

@srivatsava: Future is all \m/ :D Feels nice to be called unpredictable. mu ha ha. Ich Lieben Es!

Pranay said...

subhanallah, an elegantly written post depciting dose extravagantly exaggerated fanatasies of aggu.. :P...njoyed it 2 d core

kaaani eppatla nuvvu dance chesthu chepthe keka..keka pettinchedhi anthe

_manGO_ said...

wtf ... and u knw there are many of wtfs
let's say I am being good for all practical purposes
have fun ... i think only three people come close to churning out this level of gibberish ... VP, AB and your truly ... so truly you are in great comapany

NV Girish said...

wow! that is some insane train of thought asserting itself to be sanity...GREAT!

MyTh said...

for once i do agree with mango, :D

btw, the girl behind you, was she hot? :P

the full blood prince said...

gut gut! the disclaimer.. sexy!
n also the 'boo' in the mid of that conversation between the voice n sanity! :P
gut going!

Vikram Rathi said...

I guess you are having tough time at munich, go and get some party pal.
@blog: it was good. :D

karun said...

Boo, you DLFed it..
urs is un of the very few i follow.. u r restrained-over-exaggeration-cut-loose-within-modest-extra terrestrial-bounds personified. That was probably the AGGUest i could get.

In search of self.. said...

kudos to the articulate soul..all i would do is to FOLLOW your blog[:)]